He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
