Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Michael Bay diarrhea
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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