I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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