She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize