Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I puked a lego.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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