So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
