I seem to have left my pride at pride
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
