If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
