fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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