Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
