I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
