just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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