The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize