I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
