Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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