I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize