I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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