there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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