I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
