You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
