this just has baby written all over it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
