i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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