That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
