i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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