Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
