If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
