Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
