I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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