It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize