Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
