I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
