You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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