Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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