I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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