somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
