What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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