so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
