When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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