you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize