Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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