I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
