There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
