i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
