We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
