I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
