Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
