So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
