its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
