**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize