So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
