I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
