happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize