I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
