google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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