yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize