I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
