porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
