i would punch a child for taco bell
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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