Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
