I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We're too hungover to prance.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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