Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
