Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
