You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
