She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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