You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize