I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
