i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
