I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
