It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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