The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
