My vagina just recognized that song.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
