if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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