you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
