I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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