I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
