and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
