omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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