The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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