please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
