Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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