eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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